youre lurking in front of me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just had sex on a roof
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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