If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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