I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
