He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
