drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
