Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
