i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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