I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
