Yo dont text me then not text me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize