be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
