is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
