Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm both gender and math confused
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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