never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
