Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
