i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
