I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
