You made me cry and you don't even care
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
