She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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