What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
