You really coming over, don't trick.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
please don't ironically join a cult
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