I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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