it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
