I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
