I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
