I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
