Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
