I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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