he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
