shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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