I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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