Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize