i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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