I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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