I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
