we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
