he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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