I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He shit in the fireplace
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize