i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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