I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
