I love black thongs
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
