So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Come see our sink grown plant.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
