Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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