Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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