Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
