He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
