Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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