My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize