Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
