As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
