I think my vagina is haunted
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
