i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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