Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize