Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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