so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
