There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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