i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
