Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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