I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
