dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i came on her dog
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
