she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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