come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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