I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We are two peas in an std pod
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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