I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
