My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am naked and annoyed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
