No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
