you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
