I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
