This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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