She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
