trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
