How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
