Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
