I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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