they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize