So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
