That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
